Walker Like a Man
by Wepdiggy
Summary: Two times Sarah Walker was the man in her relationship with Chuck.  Very mild S4 spoilers, and EXTREME crack!


_A/N: I don't know why, honestly. But I read some comments Schwartz and Fedak made in an interview about how in season 4, it would be clear that Sarah was the guy in the relationship, and Chuck was the girl, and this idea, or ideas actually, popped into my head, so I wrote them. The second one is actually based on a conversation __**mxpw**__ and I had awhile back, so some credit is due to him. Well, if you can call it "credit" in this case. Perhaps "blame" would be a better word, but if so, I'll shoulder it all myself, haha. Anyway, I hope you find at least a small amount of perverse amusement in these. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, and if I did, I'd never make ridiculous comments that inspire weird fanfiction in interviews.

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_1._

It was almost 3 AM, and Chuck was starting to get worried. She hadn't returned any of his calls, and she hadn't let him know where she was. He was just going to call her again when he saw headlights in the drive. Chuck sighed with relief and put his phone down.

When Sarah walked through the front door, Chuck threw his arms around her.

"What're you still doin' up?" she slurred.

"I was worried about you. It was getting late, and you didn't call, and, and—gah, you smell like smoke. And booze."

"Mission ran long," Sarah answered dismissively, kicking off her boots and leaving them in the middle of the floor. She walked over and plopped down on the sofa. "Since you're up, how's about warming me up some dinner. Oh, and did you TiVo the game for me?"

"Sarah, where have you been?" Chuck asked, picking up Sarah's discarded footwear and putting them by the door before facing her and crossing his arms over his chest.

"I told you. Mission."

"Where, a distillery?"

"Oh, here we go," Sarah muttered. "Fine, we had a mission, then me and Casey needed to unwind, so we went and got a couple beers."

"It's after 3 in the morning!" Chuck took a deep breath, calming down just a little. Being angry with Sarah wasn't going to help anything. "Sarah, you could've called me!" Chuck said, distressed and irritated. "I've been up, worried sick about you all night."

"Yeah, I'll remember next time," Sarah said. Clearly she wasn't listening to a word he was saying. "So where do we stand on that dinner and the game?"

_2._

"I just don't get it!"

Chuck, who had been cleaning up Sarah's breakfast dishes jumped at her sudden outburst. "What's wrong, sweetie?" Chuck asked, putting the plates he was holding down.

"We've been trying for what, three months now? And still, nothing. I mean, all I want is to give you a normal life, with a family and stuff, and I can't even do that."

Chuck walked to Sarah's side and ran a soothing hand over her shoulder. "It's okay. If we're meant to have kids, it will happen in time."

"No, that's not good enough," Sarah said. "I'm not into all that 'whatever is meant to be will be' bullshit. Are you sure the doctor said all your stuff was in order?"

"Um, yep," Chuck said, walking away to put the dishes in the sink. He turned back to her. "He said everything was fine and dandy."

"Well I know it's not me. I have to get that stuff checked annually for my Agency physical. Dammit, why can't we get pregnant? We're trying like night and day, and all this sex is wearing me out."

"Well, we can take a break, if you want," Chuck said, sounding a little disappointed.

Sarah sighed. "No, it's not that. And the sex is good, so at least there's that. But all this trying and failing is putting me in a bad mood. I've been so damn tired all week, and I feel like shit. And then, I'm getting all moody, and it's just frustrating."

"Um, Sarah—"

"Why the hell can't you get pregnant already?" Sarah asked.

"Why, whu—huh?"

"Am I doing something wrong? God, I'm sure if I didn't want to knock you up, you'd have like three of my kids by now," Sarah said. "Have you taken a pregnancy test today?"

"Um, Sarah, that's not really how this works," Chuck said timidly.

"What's not how it works? It seems pretty simple to me. I bang you, you pee on a stick, and 9 months later I'm passing out cigars in the waiting room at the hospital."

"Wait, you haven't been taking the pregnancy tests?" Chuck asked.

"Why the hell would _I_ take them?" Sarah asked.

"Well here's the thing," Chuck said nervously. "Sarah, I think you might already be pregnant."

"Wait, what?" Sarah asked. "That's impossible!"

Fifteen minutes later, after taking the first pregnancy test Sarah had ever taken, Chuck's suspicions were proven true.

"This is not how it's supposed to go," Sarah groaned, sitting at the kitchen table, her head buried in her hands.

"No, this is a good thing, Sarah. We're going to be parents!"

"Yeah, but I'm not supposed to give birth," Sarah said. "Schwedak said I was the guy and you were the girl, so _you're_ supposed to carry _my_ kid."

"Who the frak is Schwedak?" Chuck asked.

"Just some asshat from work," Sarah answered. "God, this is so unfair!"

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_A/N: See, weird. But then, I'm a weird guy, so it kind of makes sense in a perverse way. Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think. You guys are awesome. Peace. _


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